Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Dim Sum Palace

First of all, I love that "Dim Sum" flies under spellchecker's radar because "dim" and "sum" are real English words!  Second of all, I had a bad run-in with a tree care crew and a loud stump grinder this morning, so you should take yourself to a second-rate cooking blog if you don't like f-bombs, 'cause there's like an eighty-five percent chance that I'm gonna drop one right now.  FUCK ME!  Look at all those people!  I wonder how many of them are eating fish heads?

Ok.  I think I've calmed down.  If you are in Manhattan's China Town, this dim sum palace is awesome.  You ride an escalator two flights and then boo-ya! you land in this stadium-sized dining room full of slurpers, gnawers and chewers, all of them enjoying themselves under the kind of ridiculously garish and tacky chandeliers that can only be found in China Town lighting stores and dim sum palaces like this one.  

Ok, I just chowed down the spare, cold burrito I made last night and now I am back at my desk and ready to talk trash.  Like a bunch of bozos, to go with our piles of dumplings and plates of "oil vegetable," we ordered some of the worst fish on the planet.  The fish in China town looks beautiful, all perfectly arrayed on cascading tiers of ice, each eyeball and scale arranged to attract hagglers and barterers like a bunch of flies, but I'm not so sure the fish is fresh.  Have you ever smelled that shit?  Smells fishy.  These babies tasted like a cross between a french fry and a bad street odor.

Let's have a last look at the stadium of chewers and digesters.  Look at all that beautiful color radiating out from that giant glowing snow-cone!  Awesome.  Too bad about the dopey looking guy in the blue t-shirt and baseball hat.  I had a blast anyway.  How could you not have a blast around all that glittery gold and red vinyl?  I will now leave you with an old Chinese proverb: overpower them with a lot of cheap sparkly shit and they will love everything.  Even stinky fish.    

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I got dim sum a couple times in LA's cheap Chinatown, after making my way around all the little Korean people walking in my way. I just remember lots of carts and lots of sticky rice. At any rate I'm flabergasted and overjoyed simultaneously at how much better Oil Changes is than Facebook, and I think it should have 500, 000 million subscribers, instead of fuck book central. I went to the joint once with Chef Simms girlfriend and we were too late. That Dim Sum requires certain hours as far as I know. so if you work nine to five you're out of luck. But this is the city of the rich so it fuckin' works out around these parts. i want to try and live off spaghetti because of the price of it all. I actually forgot what i was going to say because my brain is doused in miller high life. better than facebook, way better. underground things get the job down where corporate crap beat around the bush and let down. bring out the editors!!!