Trim off root ends. Discard into compost. Stroke of blade through greens onto pad of thumb. Favorite stroke. Chef one time called said stroke "the mom technique." John Boy, use the mom technique. The mom technique? Then he showed me. Indeed had seen my own mother do it. Technique often used while standing over trash or sink. Plunk plunk plunk. Important technique. Must not forget to call mom tomorrow and wish her happy birthday. Not sure how old. Bad son? Better to forget age than forget birthday. Called sister before thinning greens and said, When's mom's birthday? Knew it was coming soon. Sister said, Tomorrow. Justin's is on Wednesday. Thanks, sis. What would I do without you?
Take greens inside and dunk in bowl of cold water. Jostle. Remove to drain. Rinse bowl of dirt and debris. (Sometimes little bits of dry grass. Sometimes little maple helicopters. Various stuff.) Refill bowl. Repeat process until greens are clean. Mr Clean Greens. Spin in roommate's salad spinner until dry. Don't have a salad spinner? Put greens into clean cloth, bundle up like hobo bag, take outside and spin around head. Water will come out. Centrifugal force. Learned about in school. School where can't smoke bathroom. Can drink Coke though.