Saturday, February 7, 2009

Split pea soup

I mean, whoa! Look at that soup! That soup is this green! This green is greener than the green in England AND New England combined, greener than the putting greens on the moon. Etc. It's really that green. Fortunately, too, it's easy to do. Easier than Earth girls, easier than toilets that flush themselves, easier than having SERVANTS! To make this green, this is what you need:

Split peas, vegetable stock, water, ham hock (optional), salt and pepper. These dolls can make this soup, and dolls have no BRAINS! Let's just hope they don't get their price tags dirty.

I am going to go out on a limb and say that the collie could probably make this green soup. Basically, if you cannot make this soup, you should be practicing your bark.

So, you maybe want to pick through your split peas for any nasty ones or for little stones. Done and done. Then maybe you want to give them a rinse in a colander or something, though it's not necessary.

Then you want to chuck your split peas into a big pot and add your vegetable stock, enough to cover and cover again. Just use a lot.

Then, if using the hock, hawk the hock in the pot, bring to a boil, and continue cooking the peas hard. Or, rather, cooking them soft. They're already hard. Basically, you just cook them vigorously until they turn into mush. If you are cooking them really hard, especially if you are using a thin-walled, cheap pot, you will want to stir them pretty frequently because the peas, being so sugary and gunky, tend to burn on the bottom of the pot. Some burn is actually nice if you scrape it up and blend it into the soup. It adds a smoky element, which some people find desirable, but who knows about dolls or collies. Finally, you will also probably need to continually add water. It takes quite a while to break down the peas, and quite a bit of water boils off during the process.

That's basically it. You just cook the crap out of them and they taste marvelous. If you want a really smooth soup, you can put it in your food processor or even in your blender! Wow! Amazing. Peas. Jono

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