Tuesday, July 19, 2011

a hill of beans

A small one.  A small hill, but my hill.  My little hill.  My little bean hill.  Say hill too many times and it stops meaning anything.  Hey Chuck, where's my hill?  Do you know where Beth put my hill?  Beth, what did you do with Chuck's hill?  What the hell is a hill?  I don't know.  Beans beans beans.  Was it a big mistake to plant them?  One day I would like to plant nouns in the ground.  Then the plants would spring up and throw hoops and diamonds into the air.  I'd like that.  Hill me up some hoops and diamonds, Gary, STAT!

So the big question all spring and early summer has been: will the beans I planted yield enough to be worth the real estate they took up?  Whatever these beans are, I only planted one pack of them.  The plants are looking dead nowadays.  I started plucking their dried out pods this morning.  That packet of beans amounted to something like eight square feet, maybe a bean hill more, and once I've picked and shelled them all it will amount to one good pot of beans, a good pot but not a heaping pot.  One meal for two.  Eh.  Not bad, if you chuck in the fun, but also desperately below subsistence level!  You can't hack it on a tenth of an acre, folks.  Blah blah blah.

Here's the contraption I rigged up to finish my beans.  See, they were still a touch moist, a teeny bit like hard rubber, when I harvested them this morning.  I wanted them to dry out quickly, but I didn't want any animals to get at them, and I didn't want the sun to scorch them, but I did want air to circulate around them.  These wicker plate coasters are the best!  What a solution.  Bean hill, bean hill, little quart of beans.  You're gonna be super yummy when I return from New Mexico in the fall.  New Mexico, you ask?  That's correct, Oilchanges reader.  Oilchanges is hitting the road this fall.  Get on board.  Keep your bean ears tuned to this blog.  We've got big plans.  Big plans that you can get behind.  Uh, just remember what they say about beans: they give you gas.  Well, you can start thinking of yourself as a bean and me as you.  Yep, just keep your eyes on this blog!  Later taters

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