The first thing that the bad-brain slaw mentality people do wrong is this: they shred the cabbage and the carrots on a cheese grater. Why? Because it's easy. It's the lazy thing to do. Yes, it does take more time and effort to make a good slaw, but maybe it's time for a change. Oh, and why the insistence on green cabbage only? Why not use some other cabbages? I've even heard wild rumors of Brussels Sprout slaw!
Right, I start by slicing some scallions (that's green onions, for all you wrong-headed sugar slaw heads) and I slice them on the bias (that's on an angle for all you sweet slaw sleaze bags) and then I steep them in some plain old white vinegar along with some chili flakes. (Here, I used a dried chipotle that I ground by hand with my mortar and pestle.) Once the flakes and the scallions have had time to party with the vinegar, I add some ketchup and some Vietnamese hot sauce, AKA, Sriracha, AKA Cock Sauce. This will become the basis of your slaw dressing. Meanwhile, you should have shredded your cabbage and your carrots. I shredded the cabbage finely with my chef's knife, and I julienned the carrots on my Japanese mandolin. Then I brought it all together in the biggest bowl I had. Oh, and BTW, I made enough slaw for one hundred people, including Zapruder, that fire jumper.
Oops! Mayo! Well, that's because I made three types, including the God Awful type, except I didn't dump a truck load of sugar into it. Why? Cause I'm not Ruined!
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