tzatziki sauce

There's really no point in me talking about the falafel or the hummus I made to go with this tzatziki sauce.  The falafel came from a mix (Fantastic) and the hummus, well, hummus is really easy.  You put chick peas into a food processor with some garlic, tahini, and lemon juice, and then you turn the pro on and drizzle in your olive oil until, well, until you've got hummus.  It's not rocket science.  It's not even science.  It's mixing, and even roofers, when they're not too busy hurling shit off the roof and onto my garden, can mix shit.  Anyway, tzatziki:

Tzatziki is cucumber yogurt sauce that is flavored with lemon and dill.  Generally, that's what it is.  To make it you need cucumbers, yogurt, lemon, and, you guessed it, dill.  A food processor and an ounce of brains also help.  I started this sauce by seeding my cuke with a spoon.  To seed your cuke, you dirty dirty reader, slice it in half lengthwise and then drag your spoon through its core, scooping out the watery interior.  

Then you'll want to chop your cored cucumber into U-shaped slices and salt the slices in a colander.  Salting the slices makes them weep.  Weeping exudes moisture.  Moisture makes things more moist.  You don't want this sauce to be all wet, do you?  No, you don't.  So, once your cukes have cried themselves to sleep, go ahead and toss them into your food pro along with your chopped dill and lemon juice, and then pulse away.  You'll end up with a somewhat watery mixture to which you'll add your strained yogurt (Greek yogurt requires no straining, so use it).  Then you'll pulse it all again and dump it into a container like I did (see above).   

And that's it.  Taste it.  Does it taste like something you'd want to eat?  It doesn't?  Well, then, you should probably go back to burrowing around in the ground and eating raw tubers.  Cooking is probably far too sophisticated for you.  If that doesn't suit you, you can always take up a career in demolition.  It's a growing field.