"Congratulations on a Great Leap Forward"

My parents moved into a new house.  A ranch house with no second floor.  It's a ranch house, but my parents don't live on a ranch.  They live in the burbs.  The burbs, if you didn't know, are a bubble.  I chowed down on a bowl of chicken and potato stew.  We talked about what the average American family earns.  Earnings!  Earrings!  Moster dot com.  It turns out that I am like 35% of the other Americans, measuring me exclusively in terms of how much $$$ I take home each year.  The point I'm trying ot make here is that, if you are a young man about to graduate, it will be impossible for you to avoid talking about jobs when you return home for the holidays, so take a note.  I ended my jobs discussion rapidly by saying: "yeah, well, fuck that."  And the conversation was over.  My dad took me into the basement to show me this phone:

         
 And this bathroom:

 And this bar:

If my parents would let me smoke down here, I would move home and take care of them.